So, I'm gonna take a moment to air some dirty laundry about what's going on in my life right now. Some really personal stuff, more personal than I usually get, just to really convey the level of shitty my life is right now for those of you who actually take the time to read this. (If you do, I appreciate you and your capacity for empathy. Seems that's running in pretty short supply these days.)
I've talked a bit before about my living situation. I live with my mother and my grandmother. And, for the past year or so, my "sister" - who I don't really think of as my sister anymore, for a number of reasons - and her baby girl have also been living under our roof. Not necessarily because they want to, but because they have nowhere else to go and don't have the means to really support themselves. Supposedly. We'll get into that.
I don't like that my sister's here. In fact, nobody really likes that she's here. Not even SHE likes that she's here. But here's the thing about that. Despite having a job - that I have to take her to, because I'm the only one here with a car and a reliable ability to drive - she spends her money on food for the kid, occasionally money for gas... and fast food and weed. For the past year, she has had plenty of time to save up money and set things up with affordable income housing, which would probably take her immediately upon notice that it's an emergency and a child's involved. We have even gotten notice from our landlord that there is a strong possibility that either our rent will go up, or we will be evicted from the premises because of the fact that my sister is not on the lease and she is basically leeching off of us. To reiterate, nobody wants her here. My grandmother doesn't want her here, but she's too old and tired to enforce her will. My mom doesn't really want her here, but she lacks the conviction to tell her to gtfo. (She's basically trying to be the peacemaker, and prioritize taking care of the baby... but again. This has been happening for over a year.) And SHE doesn't want to be here... but she lacks the ability to effectively manage her resources and take care of her own shit. She also does the bare minimum with taking care of her own baby, basically leaving my mom and grandmother to do the majority of the heavy lifting.
And, of course, for all the reasons I have just listed, and then some... I do not her here. I didn't want her here from day one. And it's been like a year and a half, maybe longer; I've lost track at this point.
I think I'm going to start making moves to make it so that I'm the one who gets out of this house instead of her. Because nobody here is doing anything. Nobody here has the strength or the conviction to do what needs to be done... except me. I've been pushed to the point where this is not a sustainable or acceptable situation for me anymore. This past month alone has pushed me to this point. I've had to deal with plans of my own getting tossed to the wayside to accommodate for this woman and her baby. I've been given so many apologies for this situation that the word "sorry" means nothing to me anymore. And I've had to grit my teeth time and time again to ask YOU GUYS for help, because my OWN FAMILY can't afford to help me. And I'm sick of it.
I'm making some changes this year. I'm not taking any more shit from this family. As soon as this flat tire mess is taken care of, I'm going to be contacting different agencies to see if I can get the help I need. Because it's long overdue at this point. And I'm sick of waiting for people to do the work either with me or for me, according to their schedule; no more of that. And it might mean modding will take a bit of a backseat, but honestly... if that's more important to you then my own mental health and general well-being? I don't know what to tell you.