2025 was a very complicated year. Coming out of graduating college in 2024 and deciding not to pursue the career I spent 5 years studying felt daunting and stupid. But everyone always says that if you love what you do, it doesn’t feel like work. That’s why I decided to start personal training, and I do genuinely love it. Helping people who need it is more rewarding then most things I’ve seen in life so far. That has been the best part of 2025 by a mile.

In 2025, I pushed TCS almost as far as I could. Not only did I get world record and the first 2:17, but I genuinely felt that I was the best player in the world at that moment, which was another very rewarding feeling. I’ve always been the type of person to not be happy or proud of my accomplishments because I don’t think them to be special or unique. But this feeling of being the best at something is very, very unique. After getting to that point I was very proud of myself for really doing almost everything I could to improve my time. But of course, I wasn’t able to do everything I could.

In July, my girlfriend of 8 years and I broke up. This was the hardest thing I’ve gone through in a very long time, maybe ever. I learned a lot about myself during this time. I’ve learned about what I hate, but more importantly what I love about myself. Dealing and figuring out these things by yourself when you’ve had someone next to you for the majority of your early adulthood is fucking terrifying, and sucks. A lot. There are a lot of times that it still sucks. A lot. But it’s been getting better.

I’ve been going to therapy since early fall. I’ve tried therapy many times in the past for other issues and never saw benefits, but I do feel as if I’m helping myself more than ever by doing so. Because we were very involved in each others lives, it wasn’t until about a month ago that my ex and I fully separated. We tried to fix things for a little while but evidently, it’s too hard to fix ourselves and our relationship at the same time so we decided to fully end it. I think this is the right decision. Of course, there’s times where I miss how everything used to be. So so much. But I try to think about how things will be. How things can be so much better if I want them to be. Everything happens for a reason.

One thing I’ve seen so much of an importance of since the breakup has been the value of the human connection. I’ve sadly never been an outgoing person, and because of this I’ve never carried valuable friendships for very long. Before, I thought this to be fine since she gave me everything I wanted out of the human connection. It felt perfect. But when I left, I didn’t have anyone. And I mean that genuinely. I didn’t feel close enough to any body that I could lean on, which made this process much much harder. But that’s also only my fault. One thing I’ve dealt with is self worth, and I’ve never valued my emotions enough to bother others with them, let alone reach out to be around other people. But thankfully, that has changed.

Therapy of course has helped me immensely with this, but there are many other things that helped me pivot my mindset. My job is a very crucial part. Being around people that appreciate the work you are doing for them really helps you realize that you and everything about you do matter. I’ve become close friends with a lot of people at my job, which is very new for me like I said. But I’m glad, because I wouldn’t be here now if it wasn’t for them.

I of course have to thank many people in the speedrunning community for aiding in this improvement as well. You all know who you are, but even simply talking and being around you all, going out or chilling in discord calls goes a very long way to make a person feel wanted and appreciated. So thank you. This is why I want to announce I’ll be coming back soon. No exact time, and I don’t want to rush it, but I miss everyone. A lot.

2025 was a very complicated year. But it was a needed year. I know that no matter what type of person I end up becoming, this past year might be the most important part of that. That being said, I have a lot of big plans for 2026, which just might make 2026 even more important. If you read this far, thank you. I’ll see you guys soon ❤️