Hello everyone, It's been awhile! How's everyone been? I hope you all have been good. I have been gone for a couple of months due to a lot of things. So, before I start, I should probably Give anyone reading this a Slight Warning for the Mention of SA(Suicide Attempt)!
Alot of things have happened for the Past few 5 months. So, first off, all let's get the elephant out of the room as to why I was very inactive for a very long time. Back in Late October and Early November, I had a total of 3 OD(Overdose) Attempts due to certain things happening. These attempts where a few days in interval but increased in intensity as I continued with each attempt. Also have abused Alcohol during these times. Fortunately for some stroke of luck my body was somehow built different and after every attempt I just woke up fine(with only a little pain). As the months go by I really haven't seen any purpose in living, I stopped with my academics and only really just forced myself to fulfill my responsibilities even when I just wanted it all to stop. but In the middle of it all I kinda realized my attempts were during the week of my Mother's Birthday, Which I completely forgot about and If I had succeeded it would've devastated her, so I gathered up courage to get myself proper Help.
I went to a therapist first, had my first day which I thought went well but a month after I tried to schedule another session I got Ghosted by my therapist (Lmao) I was kinda mad and started to joke that maybe my problems got my therapist depressed too, so Kinda lost hope about seeking help and all that so it took me till December give it another try. I went to a psychologist this time during December to find out what's wrong with me or at least I can get papers to show I am not just Acting in how I feel. So, when that was Done, I got diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) who would've known? (Sarcasm). After getting my diagnosis I kinda focused myself on myself and my side job to try earn some money and stuff. I still kinda abused alcohol but to a small degree, only Used alcohol relax this time and I'm taking the light versions and drank in moderation. Before I returned, I wanted to kinda get myself steady first so in early January I tried to rebuild myself and I saw myself getting better, until something happened again. I'm not gonna talk about it as of now, but Its something that greatly scarred and have given me Trauma. so once again I was shoved down to the floor beneath the basement that I was trying to climb out of, But comparing to before I handled it better, No attempts on my own life and I expressed my frustrations to my close friends who also helped me during these times. and after that I once again am trying to rebuild myself from the depths to try and better this time. However, The "Kiddo" you knew is probably dead, I kinda started to hate my own name and is going by a New one now. Im still fine with being called Kiddo but referring to myself as it feels wrong, for in my mind I killed the Old me which was "Kiddo" and Im reborn to this new person now (Ill change it in a few days). well good things that happened to me is that Im properly Employed now, Stopped going to college for abit to pursue work as a Instructor. so I guess thats the good thing, a Stable income Lmao.
I have missed all of you, even if you dont remember me or have forgotten me.